This is a Swimwatch post that should never be written. But really, when Newshub publishes the nonsense that comes out of Justin Marshall someone has to say, “Hey, hold on a moment.”

Newshub must surely realise the guy was a terrific halfback. With Andrew Mehrtens and Robbie Deans around to tell him what to do and which way to play at the beginning of each half, Justin Marshall did just fine. But he is no Albert Einstein. I swear there is more compressed air between Marshall’s ears than in the balls he used to throw.

In his most recent brain deflategate Justin Marshall points the finger at NZ Rugby over its handling of Ian Foster. According to Marshall, “whatever process is needed should be behind closed doors – out of the eye of the public. If there’s any review needed that should be done internally.”

What a load of rubbish. The more fresh air the review receives the better the resulting decisions will be. What does NZ Rugby have to hide? Who is Justin Marshall trying to protect? The CEO of NZ Rugby’s press release acknowledging the poor results demonstrated the honesty needed and appreciated.   

Marshall goes on to expel more compressed air by saying he has, “some sympathy for Ian Foster… the COVID situation, the red-card situation in Dunedin, plus they’ve got some injuries to key players.”

Oh, dear God, here we go again. COVID caused the two-test loss. The only contribution COVID made to this series was to keep Foster away from the team’s preparation for the first test, a game the All Blacks won. And if Foster can’t coach his way around ONE red-card and an injured player he definitely should be away doing something else.

And then Marshall revealed this fact that only he knows, “I think they’re the top team in the world right now, Ireland.” Well, no not actually Justin. You see World Rugby publish lists on this sort of thing. Check it out, and you will see France is first, followed by Ireland, then South Africa and, in fourth place, New Zealand. If those rankings hold true New Zealand will lose the B final at next year’s World Cup. That’s where Justin Marshall’s thoughts are leading. I use the word thoughts in the very broadest meaning of that word. 

Marshall added that much of the blame needs to be directed towards the players. “At the end of the day, he’s (Foster) not out there dropping the ball. He’s not out there kicking the ball away, when they should be holding onto it.” I believe Marshall’s brain doesn’t go to the top floor. He may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer. But I really, really do hate these guys who blame the players for this sort of mess. When Toni Jeffs swam slowly in the Barcelona Olympic Games that was down to me. When Alison struggled through one Track Series that was because of mistakes I had made. Sure, occasionally bad results can be because of errors by the players. But normally, and certainly in this case, the fault lies at the door of the coach. When Marshall shifts the blame for the loss onto the players, he does the NZ Rugby review no favours at all. That sort of compressed air got us into this mess. Hopefully a razor with brains will get us out.

And finally, Newshub reports this gem. “Marshall is adamant the current group has what’s needed to turn their fortunes around. “They’re a very good side and we have great depth. There were still signs in that test series, that the All Blacks can get back to the top of the world.” So, Justin Marshall is one of those guys who tears the players apart for, “dropping the ball and kicking the ball away” and then tries to fix it by calling the same players, “a very good side” capable of getting back to the “top of the world.” But then the inside of a football doesn’t know that 2+2 doesn’t equal 5.

New Zealand would be well advised to turn the volume down when Justin Marshall opens his mouth. The truth is 15 brilliant All Black players were beaten by an Irish team. Farrell can coach a team, so can Erasmus, so can Galthié, so can Jones, so can Rennie and so can Razor. Foster cannot. Justin Marshall does the players no favours by suggesting the current coaching staff has the potential to coach a world class team  by next year. Give Foster a hundred years with the world’s best players and he would have them running around wondering which end of the field to defend.

And finally, would someone keep Justin Marshall away from a microphone?