Swimwatch was and is a blog primarily focused on the sport of swimming. However occasionally exceptional events occur in other sports and politics that should not pass without mention. Last night, one such seismic event occurred right above the fault-line that runs along the Wellington waterfront. For the first time in quarter of a century the All Blacks lost a home test series. Surely that qualifies as an “exceptional event” deserving our attention.

Two weeks ago, the following paragraph in Swimwatch recorded my concern about Ian Foster’s coaching.

“And then we have the All Black’s coach, Ian Foster. I don’t see it. I don’t feel it. I never have. The gift of coaching greatness is missing. He accepted the job of coaching a New Zealand foiling rocket ship and somehow has produced the Mary Celeste. Please excuse the mixed metaphors but his team of brilliant players run around the field like headless chickens – without direction, purpose or belief.”

I hate the expression, “I told you so.” It is so arrogant, so full of righteous indignation. The German word “schadenfreude” has a similar meaning but somehow sounds less pompous. Either way, Foster’s barren coaching skills were further revealed in the Wellington test. In Dunedin he may well have turned a foiling rocket ship into the Mary Celeste. In Wellington the Mary Celeste became the Titanic.

Fifteen brilliant players and their reserves lie lifeless on the ocean floor, in serious need of CPR. Silver Lakes has invested $200million dollars in a ship that hit an Irish iceberg and is going nowhere. Is Ian Foster capable of administering CPR? Is he capable of raising the black Titanic? Does he have the skills required to rescue Silver Lakes’ $200million? No, of course not. It’s a joke to think Foster could come close.

If it is that bad, I hear you say, what should the NZ Rugby Union do instead. Well, believe me I am no expert in coaching rugby but here is what my years of coaching are saying.

• Sack Foster and his coaching team.
• Replace Foster with Razor Robertson
• Employ Joe Schmidt as the Head Assistant Coach
• Pay both twice as much as Foster is paid. After all they have to rescue the mess Foster has left behind.
• Sack Sam Cain as All Blacks Captain
• Replace Cain with Sam Whitelock as captain. Ironically have you noticed that if you Google “All Black captain”, Google replies with “Sam Whitelock”. Even the world wide web is pointing the NZ Rugby Union in the right direction. And I doubt you could accuse Mr. Google of being a one-eyed Cantabrian.
• Always pick Richie Mo’unga as first choice number 10. Beauden Barrett is fine in the reserves but should never be selected ahead of Mo’unga.

That is it. Then I would leave Razor and Schmidt to sort out the mess Foster has left behind. Those two can deliver CPR. They can raise the black Titanic. They can make sense of Silver Lakes $200million investment. And I can put away my search for finding another way of saying, “I told you so.”