Why is it that some Australians can’t help but bend the rules? Not all, but certainly more than in New Zealand. Take America’s Cup sailors Burling and Spithill. Talk about good cop, bad cop. Spithill can’t help himself. He wears his harsh Australian aggression like a sporting badge of honour. And of course, it was the Australians who bowled underarm to win a cricket game. In the same sport players spent more time “roughing” the ball with a strip of yellow sandpaper than they did playing the game. The list of major sports controversies concerning Australian sportspeople covers areas such as rules, match fixing, cheating, sportsmanship, doping and sport administration. They have generated large scale media coverage and have affected the integrity of sport.

Perhaps the players are taking their lead from the country’s political masters. Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison is either so crooked he couldn’t lie straight in bed or he’s as thick as a post. He has just announced Australia must show “a little bit of flexibility” around the vaccination status of international arrivals, opening the door for unvaccinated tennis stars to play at Melbourne’s Australian Open in January. Truth is Morrison wants to have his ego massaged by having tennis narcissist, Djokovic, flaunt his mindless and dangerous health opinions on Australians. Morrison is on a mission to sell his “learn to live with COVID-19” theory. If a tennis player can help, who cares if another 500 Australians die. Not Morrison it seems.

Fortunately, the State of Victoria intends to continue with its mandatory vaccination policy. At this stage it looks like Morrison will be able to welcome Djokovic to Canberra but will not be able to farewell him on a flight south to Melbourne. It will be interesting to see who wins – a crazy Australian Prime Minister and his Serbian tennis mate or a scientifically responsible State Premier.  

Mind you New Zealand has two loudmouthed ego driven lunatics that match Morrison. I’m sure most Swimwatch readers will know I am pointing at Mike Hosking and Heather du Plessis-Allan.

 du Plessis-Allan is simply not the sort of person New Zealand wants or needs. You would think someone born in South Africa to a South African mother would know better than to call the Pacific Islands leeches. You would also think that someone from a racist country ironically run by the National Party who removed South African citizenship from all non-white people would know better than to write below a picture of Jacinda Ardern and an Australian/New Zealand woman rejected by Australia, “Should we revoke jihadi citizenship first.” With hand on heart I would rather New Zealand took care of the woman in the photograph than suffer du Plessis-Allan’s poison.

In 1945, Jan Smuts, the Prime Minister of du Plessis-Allan’s place of birth said, “There needs to be a fixed policy to maintain white supremacy, to maintain white civilisation and keep the white race pure”. My guess is du Plessis-Allan would endorse that view especially when it refers to “leeches” from the Pacific or a homeless New Zealand woman wearing a burka.   

The other loudmouth New Zealand could do without is Michael Noel James Hosking IV. In my opinion he is vile. My school had several arrogant assholes in the Hosking mould. My guess is that while the rest of us were passing exams, heading off to university and training for swimming, cross country or some kind of football, Hosking was preening himself hopelessly around Linwood High School.

By 16 Linwood had taught him all that it could, and he left school. The academic world hadn’t worked. And every day his radio programme demonstrates why. His lack of logic is stunning. This week he has ripped into Jacinda Ardern for staying in Wellington during the COVID lockdown. He says she is frightened of answering questions from parliamentary journalist Barry Soper. The huge irony in that is, two months ago I signed up with the Facebook Mike Hosking fan club page. Two or three days later I politely asked for an explanation of something Hosking had said on the radio. The following morning, I was banned from the Facebook page.  

Ever since Jacinda kicked him into touch Hosking’s attacks on her have spiralled out of control. Clearly her decision savaged his fragile ego. A blowfly in a bottle doesn’t get close.

But of real concern, as it is with du Plessis-Allan, is their racist overtones. Complaints have been made to the Broadcasting Standards Authority about Hosking on several occasions. For example, the Mayor of New Plymouth lost a case alleging racism. The Māori Party won a case after Hosking told his radio audience, “You can’t vote for the Māori Party because you’re not enrolled in the Māori electorate”. That was not true.

However, no matter the disgust we might feel for du Plessis-Allan and Hosking it is unlikely either will be fired and shipped off to Australia. You see their boss is Barry Soper, du Plessis-Allan’s husband. He probably knows that although both would fit right into the Australian environment neither is good enough to succeed in journalism there. They would have a fan in Scott Morrison though. Small minds think alike.