I thought it might be worthwhile trying to summarise in one post why I am so dead set against Swimming New Zealand (SNZ) getting involved in the management of competitive coaching and learn to swim. After all I did fight against SNZ’s competitive coaching ambitions for 25 years. I went to “Court” twice directly and/or indirectly contesting SNZ’s power grab. On Swimwatch I wrote more than one million words explaining why the Chairman, Bruce Cotterill, was bad for the sport. There must have been a reason for all that. So, what was it?

First, SNZ’s centralised coaching did not work. Remember Bruce Cotterill spent $26 million chasing his elusive dream and what happened? Nothing at the Olympic Games. No medals of any color. And the Commonwealth Games were not much better. Here is a table that explains those results during SNZ’s excursion into competitive coaching.

There it is, $26 million, 25 years and 5 Commonwealth Games for SNZ to deliver 2xgold medals, 1xsilver medal and 4xbronze medals. Seven medals for $26 million. That’s $3.7 million per medal. And that is what failure looks like.

Second, the standard of New Zealand coaching went down. It should have been obvious that if every good swimmer was going to be lured to SNZ’s lair in Auckland, what incentive was there for regional coaches to compete? You are right, none.

Third, the membership of SNZ collapsed. In 2002 competitive membership was 7598. In 2021 it is 4,553, a decline of 3045 members, 40%. SNZ’s obsession with coaching elite swimmers and the neglect of its core business was the cause of the decline.

 Fourth, the SNZ high performance programme was badly managed. In 25 years SNZ employed 12 Head Coaches. No competitive programme is going to produce results when the Head Coach changes, on average, every two years. Especially when most of the coaches chosen were foreign.

In summary the SNZ programme was a mess internally and an even worse disaster in legitimate activities that were neglected. And that is why for 25 years I wrote one million words in protest. It is also the reason I will write another million words if SNZ stray again, this time into learn to swim.

And so, what should SNZ have been doing? Looking after its core business is the answer. They are the sport’s GOVERNING body. They are the government. They are not executives running every corner shop and dairy in the country. We would think it very strange if Jacinda Ardern was up at six o’clock attaching cups to 120 Matamata cows. The first thing we’d say is, “That’s not her job.” Her job is to create the environment in which good farmers in Matamata can successfully milk 120 cows every day. Jacinda must build the roads, pass the laws, ensure the honesty, decide on the presence or absence of subsidies and order the priorities that make it worthwhile for every businessperson, whether he or she manages a farm in Matamata or a dairy on Lincoln Road, to go to work in the morning.

The problem with SNZ’s 25-year incursion into competitive coaching is it forced Steve Johns and others to spend time on the yield of dairy-fat from Glen Ashby rather than creating an environment where specialists like Jon Winter, Gary Hollywood, William Benson and Andy McMillian could do that job better.

In the meantime, infrastructure was neglected. We have already seen how membership fell by 40%. Imagine if SNZ had done its job and had created an exciting environment that resulted in membership growing by 40%. Revenue from Exchange Transactions would be up by $1,037,294. That’s as much as SNZ’s total Sport NZ handout. SNZ would be financially free of the government begging bowl.

SNZ could and should have done more about the number of pools in the country. In the past five years, about 165 school pools have closed and about 135 are at risk of closing because of health and safety or maintenance costs. What did SNZ do to stop that eroding infrastructure. Nothing is the answer. But it was their job. Imagine what we would all be saying if Jacinda closed 165 roads because she wouldn’t pay to have them repaired. We would sack her at the next election. What happened at SNZ? It spent another million dollars a year on bad coaching and ignored the crumbling infrastructure.

And so SNZ has a responsibility to focus on its core business. But not only a responsibility. Core business is where their money is as well. Excitement, infrastructure, rules and competitions, that’s their job. SNZ does not and should not run a Lincoln Road dairy, or a Mairangi Bay learn to swim school. It is not their job to milk 150 dairy cows or coach 150 Glen Ashbys. Every Board meeting should start with one question. Do SNZ’s plans focus on its core business? Or is SNZ straying into activities like learn to swim and competitive coaching? Is SNZ encouraging expert businesspeople like Judith Wright, Gwen Ryan, Paul Kent and Dave Pratley to do a better job, to make more money? Or is SNZ milking the cows like it did for 25 years and in the process destroying the sport they were charged with protecting? I do not want them to repeat that error by standing by while SNZ strays into learn to swim.

Another million words beating up on a badly run Board is not something anyone wants.           

Last week I wrote about two members of my Palm Beach masters squad, Suzanne and Stewart. Alison and I enjoyed their company, listening to stories of their exciting and varied lives. In last week’s story I told you about Stewart’s adventures with the Italian resistance movement during WW2 and Suzanne’s exotic life as a member of the Palm Beach mega-rich. Believe me, to be mega-rich in Palm Beach, Florida is a high bar to clear. Just look at this list of Palm Beach residents and their wealth. Gilbert $6.5 billion, Kraft $6.9 billion, Ross $7.6 billion, Johnson $10.8 billion, Griffin $12.1 billion, Icahn $17.4 billion, Peterffy $17.1 billon, Lauder $14.6 billion, Schwarzman $15.4 billion and Koch $38.2 billion. And that list excludes names like Madoff, Kennedy, Trump, Norman and Woods, none of whom are or were short of a dollar.

But of course, there is more to being an approved member of the mega-rich in Palm Beach than the size of your bank account. Money alone does not buy acceptance. Is your money old or new? Are you ostentatious and brash or refined and understated? Suzanne and Stewart passed the financial and acceptance tests. Donald Trump does not.

In fact, both Suzanne and Stewart could be savagely scathing about Trump and others who had a pile of money but no breeding.

“Probably ordering green linoleum for the White House,” was Suzanne’s derisive opinion.

The feature of their life that surprised Alison and me was the unusual events they treated as everyday normal. Frequently joining us for dinner at the Sailfish Club was Estelle. With her husband, Estelle made monthly trips to Europe to visit a business they owned in Geneva. Their means of transport was usually by Concord. Occasionally, when time allowed, first class on the QE2 was their alternative. For you and me that would count as the trip of a lifetime. For Estelle it was her normal commute.    

Another friend, whose name is probably best omitted from this story, spent an entire dinner describing her best friend’s daughter’s escapades as the then mistress of Tiger Woods. We were told that golf was not Tiger’s only well practiced skill. The daughter’s adventures with Tiger seemed to involve a fair amount of travel. Not on Concord or the QE2. But my guess is that Tiger’s Gulfstream G550 and 155-foot yacht, “Privacy” provided a comfortable and confidential means of transport.

Another friend, some readers in New Zealand may have heard of, was New York jeweller, Henry (Harry) Wilson. His business specialises in Rolex watches and upmarket jewellery. He has since moved on to the realm where watches, even if they are Rolex, are no longer required. Today his son and grandsons continue to provide for the New York elite.

Indeed, it was a look inside a fascinating world. A world where joining the Club could cost $k100 and the annual membership $k10. And you still had to pay for dinner.  

In last week’s story I mentioned the incredible food served at the Sailfish Club, the caviar and steaks and wine. What I forgot was the smoked salmon, as much smoked salmon as you could eat. The buffet was endless. Go back for seconds, thirds, fourths, as often as you wanted, no problem.

Suzanne told me she had also once been a member of the Everglades Club in Palm Beach. She resigned when a friend was suspended for bringing the Jewish Estee Lauder to the Everglades Club. Sammy Davis, Jr. was also escorted from the Club because he was black and Jewish The club would probably claim that it has put its racist past behind it, except that, until he died recently, Rush Limbaugh was a member.

Some readers may not have heard the name Rush Limbaugh. He was an ultra-conservative American radio host, Trump acolyte and all-around moron, who once said, “Even when I think I’m wrong I’m right. I am all-knowing.”  

I suspect we got on well with Suzanne and Stewart because of our shared interest in swimming and our left-wing political loyalty. Suzanne and Stewart may have had more money than God, but Trump and Bush never got their vote. When I admitted Alison and I and Jane had voted for Helen Clark our friendship with Suzanne and Stewart was secure. And as it turned out, the fun and return on that vote was more than political.

When Alison and I spent five years coaching in Florida we got to know Suzanne and her partner Stewart. They were in their seventies and regular members of our Masters Squad. What a life they had lived. Both had been married before. Stewart to a French Countess. Some of her family had lost their heads to the guillotine during the French Revolution. Stewart had run his wife’s large estate in central France until his divorce saw him return to the United States. Prior to his French adventures he had fought in WW2 with the Italian resistance behind German lines. He was badly wounded and was awarded an American purple heart.

Susanne was Florida Palm Beach royalty. She belonged to the best clubs and was on familiar terms with America’s mega-rich, names like Kennedy and Madoff. In fact Madoff asked Suzanne if she could ask one of her closest friends if it would be okay for Madoff to park his multi-million dollar yacht at her friend’s jetty. Madoff’s jetty was too small. In a sign of things to come, terms were agreed, and the boat was parked. Significantly however, Madoff forgot to send his cheque.  

Stewart and Suzanne frequently asked Alison and me to dinner at the Palm Beach Sailfish Club. That had to be seen to be believed. There was more money in that room than the New Zealand GDP. At one Christmas lunch Suzanne said that if the room had been a country, it could earn an invitation to the G10 financial summit. She was probably right. The Yacht Club food was unbelievable. Buckets, big buckets, of caviar imported from Russia. Steak, roast beef, every imaginable European wine including many thousand-dollar bottles of French champagne. Ordered by Stewart in perfect French, of course.

I hate to think what the cost of those dinners must have been. Stewart and Suzanne never seemed to care, and certainly never mentioned price. But they were fun evenings. Which brings me to the subject of New Zealand’s climate.

Suzanne visited New Zealand and had fallen in love with the place. She stayed in Dunedin for six months, immersed in the city’s art world. I only heard her express one negative comment about New Zealand.  

“New Zealand is a cold place.” she said.  

In comparison to south Florida, New Zealand is a cold place.

Many Swimwatch readers will know I coach a Syrian/New Zealand swimmer Eyad Masoud. I met him during my year coaching in Saudi Arabia. Now if anyone should understand Suzanne’s opinion of the New Zealand climate, it has to be Eyad. All his life has been spent in a country where temperatures above 50c are common. The day he arrived in New Zealand was 40c colder than that.

I think he has probably adjusted by now. But any lingering doubts were swept away today. Because today New Zealand was a cold place. There was a healthy covering of snow over the South Island. A strong southerly wind, straight from the Antarctic left Auckland shivering, but without the Christmas postcard scenery. It was the perfect day to turn on the heater and enjoy the COVID lockdown.

But not my Syrian mate. He’s an intelligent chap. He gets marks in his engineering degree that I never dreamed of. But, in spite of that intellectual advantage he clearly can’t work out there is a difference between a Jeddah beach on the Red Sea and Takapuna Beach on a cold day in October. Now, that is strange. You see for three years in Jeddah Eyad studied MARINE engineering. I know that has all to do with the inside of a ship but, Jeddah and Takapuna? There is a difference.

Especially when Eyad’s father, who is a doctor, and a caring parent told his son to warn me about going out in the mid-day Jeddah sun. My ancestry had not equipped me to handle the extreme heat. It seems his son is in need of the same advice, but in reverse. Because you see, yesterday Eyad called me to let me know that lockdown got too much. He had swum two kilometers in the sea somewhere in Auckland harbor.

Seals, walruses and penguins I can understand. But a human being, from Saudi Arabia? That is beyond belief. Perhaps the lockdown has got too much. Even though I was impressed I’m going to have a word with his father. His son needs to learn, the word Antarctica means, “Stay warm at home.”  

Eight weeks of COVID-19 lockdown have passed. It is becoming a pain. Oh, I understand the reasons and support Jacinda’s handling of the problem. I’ll hang in there. But hurry up and get vaccinated you guys. We have to get back to the pool. There is training to be done. Swimmers need to swim. Eyad had the thought that maybe he could go south and find a pool that’s open. But, of course, no one is allowed to do that either. Lydiard told me we should do more training in lakes and the sea. A COVID-19 lockdown was perhaps the time to see whether that works. But at the end of winter not even I think two hours every day off Takapuna Beach is going to achieve much.

And I talk from personal experience. Most of my swimming career, right up to Open Nationals and winning Wellington and Auckland Championships was spent training in the Hangaroa River, 40 kilometers inland from Wairoa. The Hangaroa River becomes the Wairoa River shortly after the Hapua, our 25-meter-wide swimming pool. It probably sounds idyllic and in the middle of summer it was. When the water was crystal clear, there was no current, there were a dozen trees to dive off and my mates made mud slides to fly off a perfect greywacke cliff into the crisp pool I would not have swapped it for any Millennium posh concrete bath.

However not every day is the middle of an East Coast summer. Weeks and weeks went by when the Hapua was flooded. The water was freezing cold and laden with blinding mud silt. The swift current constantly pushed me towards the open mouth of the Te Reinga Falls. Training for the Auckland Championships was not helped by bumping into the carcasses of sheep, cows or goats. I’ve heard some complain about recreational swimmers in their Millennium lane. They should try a dead cow as their swimming companion. At least there was no lane rage. In fact, usually there was no one at all. Occasionally local farmer, “Old Man Spenser”, would stop his tractor and consider the sanity of the area’s lone Pakeha, swimming across and back, across and back, in the middle of winter.

On balance, we have got this far through lockdown. We will stick it out. But after eight weeks we have to get back to the pool soon. So please, have your shots, and get Eyad’s boring, clean, warm and friendly Millennium pool open as soon as possible.

So, what else has happened in the last eight weeks? There is the lingering suspicion that Swimming New Zealand are up to no good in learn to swim. That is not their job. They need to realize that competitive training and learn to swim are best done and are in the domain of private enterprise. Any infringement of that principle will be vigorously opposed in these pages. The best interests of the sport depend on Swimming New Zealand (SNZ) doing its job and not invading commercial activities. Competitive training and learn to swim are none of their business. SNZ has proven it is not anywhere near as good at competitive training and learn to swim as private enterprise. Good God, SNZ wasted $26 million trying to win an Olympic medal and failed. Imagine the good that could have been done with that money if SNZ had the self-control to focus on its core business. And New Zealand would have won medals. Anyway, we will be watching.

Apart from that, I see today the North Shore Hospital clinic I used to visit three times a week has reported a case of COVID-19. That’s a bit close for comfort. I am still a patient but attend a North Shore Hospital satellite clinic. Fortunately, we have escaped infection. Time to be careful though.

What else has happened? My daughter Jane and her husband, Stephen and son, Sam, have moved from Reading to Oxford. Reading and Oxford, in England, I’m talking about. I’m already jealous of the great British pubs they have on their doorstep. There are some lovely parts of England. Oxford is one of them. Many years ago, I was sent to Oxford University to do a course in accounting. I can hear you laughing already, but it is true. I used to practice golf chips across the River Thames close to my hostel. That really was idyllic right down to the ride home with a fellow student, Roderick, in his extremely fast, 1940s, Fraser Nash. Roderick used to race the car in events like Silverstone and the 24 hour Le Mans. I think he may have even placed in his section of Le Mans. Our ride home to Windsor was proof enough of his driving talent.

Anyway, that’s where we are tonight. It’s been fun. From the Hapua to the Thames to a New Zealand lockdown. Let’s see what Jacinda has in mind for us tomorrow. Fingers crossed.      

I see Saudi Arabia has taken financial control of Newcastle United Football Club. The sale was conditional on Prince Salman providing the Premiere League with an assurance his government would not interfere in the football club’s management and would allow BeIn Sport, to resume television broadcasts of football in Saudi Arabia.

The question is can Newcastle United believe these promises? Some readers may be asking, “What on earth does a swimming coach in New Zealand know about Saudi sport?” It is certainly a valid question. And I confess I am not an expert. However, in 2016 I did spend 12 months in Saudi Arabia coaching swimming for the Saudi National Swimming Federation. I guess that counts as some knowledge of how sport in the Kingdom works.

Based on that experience I don’t think for one minute the Saudi government will stay away from interfering in the management of the Newcastle club. It is not the way Salman and his family work. Telling people what to do and how to behave is their second nature. Every sport, including swimming, is incredibly centralised. The royal family fund everything and expect decision making powers to match their investment. Every decision requires a stamp of approval from the royal palace. Why would Newcastle be any different?

Entering a swim meet, changing the weekly training, swim camps, meetings, club social events and anything involving foreign travel all required approval from the Federation Head Office in Riyadh. The problem is, those in charge might be good at Royal Family stuff but they know nothing about how to swim the length of a swimming pool. I doubt those Royals responsible for the Newcastle football purchase have any more knowledge of how that game is played. The mix of ignorance and power seldom works.

It certainly has never worked in Saudi Arabia. Take their Olympic results for example. The country is ranked 119^th with no Gold medals, no Silver medals and 2 Bronze medals. This compares with a small county like New Zealand, ranked 27^th with 53 Gold medals, 34 Silver medals and 53 Bronze medals. In total Saudi Arabia has 2 medals compared to New Zealand’s 140.

The difference is huge. Why is that you may wonder? Well, in my view, it’s all about that concept called the centralised control of sport. For 25 years New Zealand swimming proved it doesn’t work. In every sport Saudi Arabia continues to prove it doesn’t work.

Make no mistake I am not an out-and-out capitalist. I voted for Jacinda twice and will do so again next year. In many aspects of our daily lives a left-wing government provides the best solution. Education, health, military, social welfare, infrastructure and laws are all best handled from the left of centre. However elite competitive sport is not.

Walker and Jelley, Snell and Lydiard, Dixon and Dixon were not government funded or controlled. In political jargon they were as right-wing sporting capitalists as you can get. And yet that small list alone won more than twice the number of Olympic medals than the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Those 6 guys knew how to win a running race. The Saudi Royal family do not. My guess is they don’t know how to play football either. But, as I found during my year in the Kingdom, they won’t be able to keep their sticky fingers off the management of the club. It will be a disaster.

One thing the Saudi family will do well. The money they spend on facilities will shock us all. In swimming. Some Royal princes wandered off to Germany to see the pool built for the Munich Olympic Games.

“To swim well at the Games, we need a pool like that,” they said. And so, they bought and built three exact copies. One in the west, one in the east and one in the centre of the country. Right down to the 45 stainless steel flag poles outside, meeting rooms, kitchens, and many female toilets. What the Germans did in Munich was copied three times in Saudi. The ultimate irony was women were not allowed into the pools. All Saudi swimming training and competition was strictly male only. All those female toilets and no women.

The underlying belief is that spending enough money can buy success. Sure, money can help but without the Walker and Jelley, Snell and Lydiard, Dixon and Dixon expertise and independence, money alone will not work. I suspect the Newcastle Club might just end up with the best football facilities in Britain, and no one to pee in them.